what would i do if i were not afraid?
darrah | Tuesday, November 3, 2009 
Has there ever been a time in your life when you knew your life was about to change?
Maybe it was a slow change like a pregnancy when you had a little time to prepare for it. Or maybe it was sudden change like a car accident or winning the lottery. Maybe it was something that you chose to change and maybe it felt like the change happened to you.
In any case, change happens. We can resist it, we can hide from it, but it's going to happen with or without our approval.
On Monday, I chose to make a change. A BIG change. I quit my job.
It feels strange to even write that. It's something I've been thinking about for a while, but have kept relatively quiet about it. At first, I thought the change was happening TO me and was out of my control. I was unhappy in my job and spent a lot of time saying, "If only I had more time, if only I didn't have to do X or that person didn't say Y or I was able to do more of Z." When you're not satisfied with a situation, the natural reaction is to point fingers and place blame. After several months (maybe even a year) of staying with my job even though I was not satisfied, I discovered the right reason to leave the job. It was not the fault of the job or the people I worked with or office politics. The reason I chose to leave my job was because I had outgrown it.
Quitting my job felt a little like a break-up. I almost wanted to say, "It's not you. It's me." It was bittersweet. It was not an easy decision. But it was the right decision for both of us.
So what am I going to do now? What am I going to do with my life?
I used to wince at this question. I was desperate to get to the bottom of it and figure out what would make me happy. Earlier this year, I had a realization that I didn't need to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. But I did know how I wanted my life to feel. I wanted to be creative every day. I wanted time to spend with my family. I wanted energy to take care of myself - cooking healthy meals, doing yoga, taking walks with my hubby. I wanted to feel relaxed, happy, balanced. At the time, I wasn't feeling any of those things.
I had been hearing the whispers from my creative spirit for quite some time, but wasn't sure what to do about it. So I waited. I didn't quit my job out of desperation. I waited. I didn't search for a new job to replace the old one. I waited. I didn't grasp for a creative outlet. I just waited. And when the whispers got louder and pointed me in a direction that made sense and felt good, I stopped waiting and I LEAPT. I leapt towards photography because it was the first time in years that I felt inspired to learn and the first thing in years that I spent hours doing without wanting to stop (sometimes forgetting to eat lunch). It was something I was making time for instead of complaining that I didn't have enough time for. It was something that cheered me up on difficult days. And it changed the way I look at the world. These were all key indications that I was on the right path.
Then I started saying YES to things that scared me because I knew that the fear was an indication of something that excited me. And the more I said YES, the more free I felt. The more "me" I felt. The more joy I felt. And the more doors opened.
When I started considering the idea of quitting my job - without another job lined up - I felt that same kind of fear. The exciting kind. The kind that is an indication that I was doing the right thing. The kind that makes so much sense despite all of the risks.
Minutes before I gave my boss two-weeks notice, I read the following question on Danielle LaPorte's blog:
"What would I do if I were not afraid?"
And I knew what I had to do.
It's only been a couple of days and it hasn't quite sunken in yet, but what I do feel is relief. I've felt like a balloon on the verge of popping for months and finally, I've let the air out. I'm also surprised and pleased with what's coming out of my mouth without hesitation as I tell my coworkers the news, one by one. They ask what I'm going to do next and I tell them that I am going to concentrate my energy on things I'm passionate about and that I'm starting a photography business. I'm also telling them that I don't really know what's next and that's okay. I've never felt MORE okay with not knowing what's going to happen next. It is freeing and exciting. Even more freeing is that I am being true to myself and following my heart wherever it leads me.
So am I nervous? Yes! Do I have doubts? Hell yes! But I am also full of a new energy that I haven't felt in years. I am ready to harness that energy, put it out into the world, and create the life I envision for myself.
But first I need a nap.
***
Jamie Ridler has a fabulous series on her blog called Wishcasting Wednesday. I thought it would be appropriate to share my wish today. This week's prompt is "What do you wish to experience?" And my answer: the freedom and confidence to follow my dreams.
Reader Comments (32)
can you hear me screaming BRAVO to your decision?
As you wish for yourself...I wishing for you as well.
As Darrah wishes for herself I lovingly wish for her also!!
Wishing you the best, applauding your brave decision of quiting your job and jumping in the infinite possibilities life offers, sending you beautiful and happy vibes and wishing for you lovingly, what you´ve just wished!
I am excited for you, Darrah. Thank you for sharing your decision with us. It is huge. But as I have been reading blogs for these several years, I've seen it happen again and again. Someone is brave and follows their heart and things begin to turn and then they are living their right life...things are different...harder sometimes but always better. I can't wait to see where you're journey leads. Good for you for trusting yourself and the Universe to work things out as you go along, in just the perfect time. Peace and blessings, O
Oh, I am so happy for you! Very envious too! Haha! What a amazing leap and your courage is fierce! Best of luck in your new adventure in your life and as you wish for your self i wish for you also! You are inspirational!
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also!
blissings,
mich
x.
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also...
but you know what? From the top of your post, it sounds like you already have all the confidence and freedom you need : )
As Darrah boldly and bravely wishes for herself, so I wish for her also!
As you wish so I wish for you!
Darrah, this was an exeptionally powerful post for me today. I lost my job of seven years back in June. I had outgrown it years before the axe fell. I knew I was supposed to be more than what I was settling for out of fear and old habits. Yesterday I received a job offer to do a similar job again. This morning I turned it down. We have to hold tight to those whispers that are asking us to step outside of our boxes and get on with joyous living. As you wish for yurself today, I wish for you too!
Welcome Darrah, as Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
May you find the freedom and confidence to live your dreams, may it be so.
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also!!
Oh Darrah! What a courageous thing to do!
I'm sending you love, support and admiration this morning!
As Darrah wishes for herself, so do I also wish for her with all my heart!
Jennifer
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
I lost my job in June, and though I had outgrown in a while ago I've just now realized that the experience has freed me up to do more of what I am supposed to be doing for the universe. Congratulations on your courage and following your bliss!
As you wish for yourself, so I absolutely, positively, one-hundred percent wish for you also!!
There is a zen saying:
Leap and the net will appear.
Good for you on taking a risk and listening to your spirit. The net will appear.
live with your heart. your journey inspires. love hearing about how you are living your dreams, Darrah! Yay for YOU!
WTG! leapn2life!!!
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
As Darrah wishes for herself I wish for her also!!
Wow! Way to go! Savor that great energy. I look forward to hearing where your creative journey takes you.
I'm so happy for you that you took this leap. (And I hope you got that nap.)
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Love it, love it, love it! Good for you for listening to your inner voice and following through on the prompting to follow your heart and do work you're passionate about! Keep listening!
Dee
http://www.careerlifecoaching.com
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
I'm so excited for you. You're so brave to make this decision, which I still pull me back from getting out.
Congratulations on your decision! I did the same thing exactly 1 year ago and although there are some days where I wonder what am I doing, I just remember how happy I am now and that I absolutely did make the right decision... best thing I ever did, so I wish this for you as well!!
Congratulations! I am so excited for you.
I am trying to decide whether or not to take the plunge as well. Here's to you inspiring all of us! Best of luck to you.
As Darrah wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Oh Darrah it was wonderful to read your post. You see, I just did exactly the same thing and have been through the same experience - listening to the whisperings but too afraid to do anything, then they got so loud I just couldn't ignore them a moment longer. I quit last Friday and finished on Monday - boy it was good to get out early! I feel full of excitement for what the future brings. I told someone yesterday my ideal job would be consulting a few days a week in communications (my current profession), then writing and creating art the rest of the week. I've been blogging about it all week, pop by and have a read if you get time - it sounds like we are both embarking on the same incredibly exciting journey. Best of luck to you! I'll keep popping by to see how you are getting on!
Congratulations! I did this three years ago! For awhile I continued doing the same things, only on my own. but recently I've felt my heart shift to other ideas. Yeah for you!